One week ago I had one of the most terrifying nights of my life. It actually ranks up there in the top three terrible nights. When I think about any of those events I can feel panic rise up and my heart starts to pound much faster in my chest.
I have tried to figure out what to write and how to share it with you, because people have been asking how I am and what happened. I wish I could put it all together, and I have tried. I have written five pages so far to try to tell the story but it’s rambling and can’t adequately express the level of terror and pain I experienced.
Here’s what I know. I have Rheumatoid Arthritis, and it has been fairly active lately. I am being seen by various surgeons for joint replacement operations in hips, shoulder and knuckles.
Last Saturday evening, an inflammation marker in the blood that is usually high for me (at 25) spiked up to 73.5, as measured in the hospital when I was brought in by ambulance on Sunday morning, after spending an absolutely agonizing night with increasing pain and decreasing mobility. I was convinced I had broken my hip somehow, maybe a bone chunk had come off while I was getting into the shower.
I was given a lovely cocktail of drugs to try to stop the inflammation and disease flare with the two main ingredients being morphine and prednisone, and was admitted.
I was released the next morning, and I have been slowly experiencing less pain every day this week. I’m not back to normal – I still have the shakes and feel like my legs are going to collapse under me, but I did do a pretty chilled out workout today and I am starting to think maybe I won’t need an emergency hip replacement, after all. (I’ll find out at my appointment with the hip surgeon on the 29th.)
So that’s what I know. There’s a whole lot more that I don’t know. I don’t know why this happened, what and if anything precipitated it. I don’t know how to prevent it from happening again in the future. I don’t know if there’s something I am supposed to do or not do, drink or not drink, eat or not eat, take or not take to get myself better and stronger and past this. And I don’t know if there is a past this, or if this is a new normal.
I thought I knew everything there was to know about Arthritis, but I was very wrong.
I just don’t know.
But I wanted to let everyone know that I’m okay, and I’m working through this.